Go F*** Yourself

When did it become mandatory that ‘niceness’ not be tolerated…when did it become boring.  When did we decide that we have to tear each other down, beat each other up, try to cheat each other, say nasty things to one another….for us to laugh, pay attention, enjoy our day?  Just look at the title to this blog?  Would it have piqued your interest if I had titled it, “Be Nice To One Another?”  I don’t think so.

I am disgusted.  How sick we have become.  No wonder we aren’t happy anymore, are attention deficit disordered, are constantly bored.

What have we done…

What are we doing?

Take a look at adults who say they were abused as kids.  “I was told I was stupid, ugly, ignorant, skinny…now “I feel worthless, depressed”…etc.,  [as an adult].  So why do we keep on doing the same thing?   This time, not only with our family, but with our supposed friends, on TV shows,  in movies,  in magazines, in the news,  with our neighbors…  We are constantly bombarded with images of people beating each other up, making rude comments to each other, talking with one another with the ‘f’ word for every other word.  And we laugh about it!

Remember in the ‘olden days’ -as we used to say as kids, you could watch TV and honestly feel good about what you watched-no profanity, no sexual connotation-just good, clean fun?  Try to think about how you felt – emotionally and physically.  I know it makes me feel happy, makes me smile, makes me feel good.  I know that when I pay attention to myself and how my body and mind react to “good” things, “good” images, “nice” people, “friendly” people, the “beauty” around me, I feel less stressed, my physical body feels relaxed and I feel happy emotionally.   Has everyone else forgotten how to do that?

I feel sad for all the children we are bringing up in a world so full of hate- because we [think we] enjoy hating.  It’s become a world where we don’t teach them about beauty, love, respect,  honesty, community, and  I, personally,  am really tired of the negativity, the hatred, the ugliness that is pervading my world.   I want it to stop.  Doesn’t anyone else care?  Have we become so selfish, so apathetic, so unfeeling that being kind to one another, helping one another, loving one another is seen as stupid, unneeded, idiotic, or whatever other negative connotation we can attach to it?

Let me ask you – How long does that ‘happy’ feeling you get from hurting someone else, from calling someone names, or making fun of them last for you-?   Have you tried the other side and compared?  What if you experimented with doing something nice, saying something nice, smiling to be nice instead of mean or ugly to someone..What if you got a better “high” from doing that?   Wouldn’t it be worth it?   And if you don’t like that or can’t stand that because it connotes benefiting someone else, maybe you can try to think of it selfishly-how it might benefit you and how much better it will make you feel for a longer period of time.

Remember when your mother said,  “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all?”  (Maybe your mother never told you that.  See?)  I think that was very good advice.   I used to think that she said this because she wanted to teach me manners.   But you know what?  I really think it was because she wanted me to be happy.

Thanks mom.  I get it now.

RESPECT takes on a whole new meaning

I’m reading a book right now called Web 2.0: A Strategy Guide.  Its kind of a tiny book with an attractive cover-caught MY eye anyway.   I can tell the author, Amy Schuen, is trying to make her topic understandable to us lay folk, but she speaks that language that is really only familiar to people deep in the field and really pretty much at the graduate level.  Sometimes, I have to reread sentences over and over to catch what a certain term means- terms like application programming interfaces (API), platform services, scaling intuition, Syndication, Burn Rate and J-Curve. 

Now typically you think that someone who writes on such a topical subject, who seems so much more intelligent than you, and really IS giving good (even great) information would command the greatest respect from her readers…and I am sure that the author of this book does- in a lot of circles.  But I have to admit, she’s losing mine.  Why you might ask?

I started thinking back to a conversation that I had with my aunt Nan a few weeks ago.   She retired from the Post Office after many years of dutiful service (for which she admits she made some enemies being a union rep for part of that time).  But what she told me sticks in my mind .  It was so very simple, but oh so profound when you relate it to business.  She said, “I won’t work for someone I don’t respect.”    hmmmm.

With my respect problem bubbling up for this author, images of her as my manager kept coming to mind.  Someone who stands in front of me using lingo that she knows makes me feel stupid because I’m not “in the know” yet, who looks down her nose and gets impatient with my slowness in comprehension, and starts to get that tone and finally says, “JUST DO IT!”  I could be all wrong… but how can I tell my imagination its all wet? ( I didn’t say intuition, I said imagination )

As a manager of people, you want them to do their work well, do it correctly and own it.  Are you achieving that?  What kind of respect are you earning?  Yes, I said EARNING.  Despite what you might think, respect is earned.  Oh sometimes, as a manager, you  can start out with respect from that fresh, green newbie under your wing, but you can lose it quickly.  Yes you are higher in rank than them.  Yes you may know more than them.  Yes Yes Yes.  But don’t forget the goal:  to get them to do what is needed, to do it correctly, and do it well, hopefully with a smile on their face.  Happy workers are much better workers!

Here’s how to get it- RESPECT that is:

R-remind yourself what it feels like when someone tells you that you’ve done a good job.  Try to give those who work for you that same feeling.

E-Elevate their sense of value by asking for their input on something they do day in and day out; what works best, fastest, easiest and try to incorporate their suggestions.

S-Spare them from your bad moods, difficult situations, stress.  Play the part of sensible, trustworthy, ‘like a rock’ mentor even when you don’t feel like it.

P-Prepare them for upcoming news, jobs to be completed, needs.  They’ll feel ‘in-the-know’ and part of the team and thus part of the solution.

E-Edit your speech.  If you use lots of expletives, bad grammar, sharp and degrading language, you lose respect from those who are supposed to follow you.  Instead, be an example of someone to look up to.

C-Credit them to upper management in front of them when credit is due.  What better way can you earn their respect and cooperation?

T-Tell them what needs to be corrected in a non-humiliating, non-threatening manner in private and tell them you know they can do well at correcting the problem. 

And Read, Read, Read management books.  I’ve read lots of them and have picked out a few of my favorites.  Check them out on my linkedin page at http://www.linkedin.com/in/tonisholty and see if there are any you might be interested in. 

As far as Web 2.0: A Strategy Guide goes?  I’m having a hard time!  But hey, I like to learn… and grow my synapses, so I’ll keep reading..and the second time I read it, I’ll be one of those ‘in the know’ and blow right through those pages with complete comprehension! She’s not any smarter than me!  [This is a spoof from my last blog.  You might want to read it if you didn't get the sarcasm .] 

Now get out there and get some respect!

Blogout!

Ok World…Blogging and a GEM of a read?

Ok.  I have resisted and resisted..but its futile.  The interface of technology and communication keeps knocking me on the forehead (or back of the head) and as much as I feel like a baby taking its first steps, awkward and unsteady, but curious and energized by what I am about to discover through this ‘blogging’ thing, I know that I must not resist anymore, and have to take the plunge to join the millions of others who have something valuable to say (or not so valuable-depending on your own view of it).   Cuz I have valuable stuff to contribute!!!  So, here I am, introducing MY FIRST BLOG…

Do you remember when you first heard the word “BLOG”?  I thought, “ew, that’s a really UGLY word!”  It really is, you know.  Ranks right up there with, I don’t know…maybe the word “snot”?  Maybe if it were a more elegant, refined, classy sounding word, I might have paid more attention to it at first.  But everyone was talking about it…and it just wouldn’t go away.  So I started (almost secretly -because no one should know that I am really curious about this ‘blog’ thing after all) exploring peoples’ blogs.  My husband is a huge, HUGE fan of Bob Wilbur’s NHRA  blog, and Bob does have a great blog!  Doug would say, Toni, come read Bob’s blog this week, and I ‘d roll my eyes and act reluctant to look at it.  But in reality, I WAS curious and liked reading it!  Ok there, I admit it now!  HAPPY???? I’ve also really enjoyed reading Matt Griffith’s blogs (AskMattOnline) too because they are so current and focused giving the reader clearer guidance in the world of business ownership (and law I guess -as much as I abhor that area)  Thanks Matt! Oh, and for all those others who write exceptional blogs,  don’t get your panties in a wad.  I’ll get to you someday…theres only so many hours in the day…and I am just a tot right now at this blogging gig!

By the way, I am hoping that those who are still ‘in the closet’  [you know who you are...] about their own curiosity and interest in blogging but still have a stupifying lack of knowledge about it in general will find comfort that someone is finally admitting to the world how they nodded in agreement with others who were already savvy in the ‘social media’ world acting as if they knew exactly what that savvy person was talking about…using all those weird words (twitter, blog, podcasts, YouTube, Voiceover IP) that “special” people know…only to feel like a deer in the headlights.  >Don’t ya just hate it when someone shows off by speaking to you in that social media lingo like you’re just as educated on it as they are with that smug smile on their face? 

Anyway, this kinda feels like all those tabu subjects, too, where as soon as a large, banded group of people sharing something in common or a celebrity comes out and says that whatever it is-they have….then all of a sudden its ok to admit that happened to you to and to talk about it?  Well…I admit it….I am just beginning blogging.  I don’t have 165 blog postings, 145568 views, 593 friends on Facebook or 92 Recommendations on LinkedIn.  But that doesnt mean I don’t have something to say that can help or benefit someone else.  So keep reading and find out what happens next!

I’m going to provide you with little “GEMS” of helpful information to use in your interactions with people, leadership skills, and getting the ‘buy-in’ from your people at work (and play maybe ).  GEM= GET EVERY MORSEL

 Let me know what you think!

blogout!